I hate girls who hate on other girls. I really do. Isn’t there girl code anymore? Can’t we all get on the same team here?
The reason I’m starting out with this is because I want to ensure that nobody mistakes my following observations and advice based on concert-going experiences for mean-spirited girl hating. There is nothing I love more than seeing a fellow girl who appreciates the same music as I do – as long as she’s not doing any of the following things.
Let’s talk for a moment about girls and crowdsurfing. I must say that crowdsurfing is definitely an awesome experience, even if you end up dropped on your head and someone else gets dropped on top of you (trust me I know). But if you’re a girl, here’s an important heads up – you are absolutely, 100% certainly going to get groped. If you’re going to go all Jodi-Foster-in-The-Accused about it, you might want to consider keeping both feet on the ground.
Also, if you do plan on crowdsurfing, do us all a favor and wear something that has a prayer of keeping your lady-bits under wraps – sorry sweatheart but the tube top’s just not going to cut it.
On the topic of attire, I’d like to offer another heads up. If you show up to a general admission show wearing heels of any kind, I’m going to be standing there praying that a circle pit opens up around you to test out just how nimble you are on those things. Because the only form of attention you’ll be getting from those is when you take a digger into a group of sweaty boys and 20 camera phones are there to prove it.
Which leads me to girls and pits. Now, if you’re harcore enough to get in the middle of a wall of death and duke it out with the dudes, be my guest – I am genuinely proud that someone of my gender has cajones like that. But if you are in there for show, which I suspect you are, you better be prepared to take a clothesline to the vocal chords, because if it happens and you’re all “OMG WTF that guy hit me what kind of barbarian hits a girl” nobody is going to have any sympathy for you. That’s like diving into a pool and getting pissed at the water for making your hair wet.
And speaking of hair, please, please don’t put it up in a ponytail that’s going to smack me in the face because you think you’re in the “Whip My Hair” music video instead of at a concert. As a matter of fact, please try to do something with it that keeps it as close to your head as possible. You’re already going to be covered in other peoples’ sweat, do you really want your hair to have been in 100 other people’s mouths? Ew.
Finally, try to put whatever drama is going on in your life on the backburner and enjoy yourself. That’s why you’re there, isn’t it? Nobody needs to hear about your ex-boyfriend, your ex-BFF, etc. People are there to listen to music, not to you. Unless of course there is a girl next to you who is demonstrating all of these ridiculous concert-going faux-pas, in which case I’ll be whining right there with you.